Relationships, good and bad

Some musings from my run this morning, in no particular order so forgive me if it’s a bit rambly.

All of my running life I have had a long standing on/off relationship with an acquaintance I wish I’d never met, she is called self-doubt and regularly raises her ugly head in an effort to scupper my endeavours.  Sometimes she wins, and when this happens, plans go awry and good intentions falter and I get fed up and occasionally get as low as wanting to give up running altogether and just get fat and miserable. I loathe self-pity I don’t believe there is a place for it in our lives and most of the time I can get over the blip and put her back in the dark recesses.  The last 3 weeks I’ve had a new companion her name is consistency and I am delighted to have her in my life, it’s early days and I’m working hard at it but I think that this will be a positive relationship which we will all benefit from.  However... self doubt is a jealous bitch so she decided this week that she was going to have a go at me and see if she could push the ‘new girl’ into the background- think playground fall outs when a new kid comes to school... she rode back into my head carrying a banner with three words on it, Flat, Road, Test!  She nearly won! I was ill thinking about it at the beginning of the week and this contributed to an almost sleepless night but my new friend consistency stayed by my side and helped me pull up my ‘big girl pants’ flick her the bird and do the workouts on my program.  Self doubt hovered on the sidelines, close enough to feel her presence but the positivity from my new companion was keeping her at bay and I even contemplated entering a race to do the workout but I couldn’t find one close by, at one point I thought self doubt was going to win again, John offered to run with me to help me, but I couldn’t put him through that stress, he has enough to do getting himself fit and ready for his next big adventure.  This morning I sat for a long time watching and listening to the rain and feeling that presence on my shoulder and it was a struggle not to let her win.  She was trying to convince me that as I couldn’t do it I shouldn’t bother going out at all I should just stay in the warm and dry.  At the same Time I was chatting online with a friend who is struggling in a different way but there were analogies which struck me so I went out and I ran.  I ran the prescribed mileage, I didn’t run on the road, I ran on a familiar trail, it wasn’t flat but it was flat enough to be runnable and I ran without
walking further than I have for at least a year! This Is a big win for me.  The analogies from my chat with my friend?  In education circles there is a lot of talk about readiness for learning and about how instead of forcing children to fit into an environment or fit a particular model, we should perhaps alter the environment/change the model to suit the learning styles of children, particularly very young children.  I strongly agree with this and as a teacher would do my best to adapt teaching styles etc to suit the needs of the child - and believe me I’ve had my fair share of pupils where a lot of adaptation was required.  Today, with apologies to my coach, I adapted to suit my needs, I altered the environment and I had a successful run.  I finished it feeling, happy with consistency by my side and self doubt well and truly put back in the corner.  Tomorrow is another day, but every day we can keep self doubt at bay is a win and I will gladly take it!  Work at the good relationships, nurture them and everyone learns and grows, stifle the bad relationships and keep them in the past.  (Big hugs to a brave wee soldier called Archie who is fighting his own battles just now but with help from the people he has good relationships with he will win of that I am sure).